By Dzifa Tetteh Tay
For two years, Mrs. Angela Ama Yankah (not her real name), a Human Resource Manager of a reputable organisation, battled infertility.
“Every month, I looked forward to a positive result from a pregnancy test strip, but I was always slapped with a negative. It was so disheartening,” she recollected sounding emotional.
She said she had lost count of the number of times she had seen a “one line or a minus sign” indicating a negative result which suggested a no pregnancy and that made her cry uncontrollably.
“All I wished for was to have a positive result and so even when it was obvious many of the test strips had indicated I was not pregnant, I kept testing hoping for two lines or a plus sign but for over 24 months I never did. I remember one day when I got an invalid result, I was so optimistic and went for a blood test and even an ultrasound but it ended in tears – it was negative again! You will never understand this if you have not been there” she said.
Mrs. Yankah recalled spending so much on different brands and colours of home pregnancy test kits made up of strips and cassettes.
She recalled painfully that, one day, when she visited a pharmacy to buy medication for a flu, the pharmacist must have recognized her from afar and assumed she was there to buy another home pregnancy test kit so he picked three and put them in an envelope and handed them over to her.
“That single act made me feel so devastated. But I still don’t know how I managed to compose myself to pretend all was well. I quickly asked him to add something to treat a flu which was what I had actually gone to buy. And guess what? That was the last time I ever visited that pharmacy,” she stated.
Mrs. Yankah, now a widow, said everyone, including members of her church, had associated her marriage’s childlessness with her. They believed she had failed to carry a pregnancy, and so no pressure was mounted on her husband.
The widow said it was bad enough that all her younger siblings had married before her and had children, and so, for her to have been the last to marry and also deal with the painful issue of not having children was worse.
She disclosed that she had made several visits to specialists’ hospitals, fully funded by her husband, but he had not done the same because he was convinced he was not the cause of their inability to become parents.
A New Perspective
Mrs. Yankah said two years of marriage without children felt like 20 years or more, and she was desperate for help. “Heaven smiled at me when my church had a new pastor who appeared open-minded about such issues and even occasionally invited medical professionals and counsellors to share their expertise on the subject. The experts further provided comprehensive approaches to addressing infertility, which was such a great relief to us,” she revealed.
She said it was at the close of one of such church programmes that she discussed her marriage’s state of affairs with the Pastor, who managed to convince her husband to also seek medical attention. “That was when it turned out that he (my husband) was the cause of our failure to have children, and not me. He was a small-scale miner and apparently had been too exposed to heavy metals such as lead and mercury, which is believed to have caused him to be infertile,” she disclosed.
A Solution Found
The Human Resource Manager said both of them were shocked to find out that he had a reduced sperm count, hence their inability to conceive. She said thankfully, the situation was not out of control, and so with the right medical attention, the issue was corrected, and they were able to have two children.
“My husband, who had been dragging his feet all along, woke up from his slumber and was religiously taking his drugs and constantly visiting the specialists’ hospital until I finally became pregnant for the first time, and after two years, we had another,” she said smiling.
Lessons from a Personal Journey
Mrs. Yankah commended her pastor, whom she described as “well-informed, very understanding, and balanced in handling family life issues.” This, she said, created a safe and supportive environment for many other couples in the church struggling with childlessness to find a solution to their nagging problems.
She advised churches to move away from “over-spiritualising” infertility issues. Instead, while focusing on spiritual support, they should emphasize the need for couples especially the men to seek medical attention and create avenues for providing scientific information to support them.
The mother of two also called on churches to move away from praying for “opened wombs” for women seeking fruits of the womb which she described as stereotypical. “They must also acknowledge that childless men need prayers, encouragement, and compassion to help address the issue and not just focus on women.”
Reverend Danso’s Insights
In a reaction to the development in an interview with the Director for Fruitful Ministries Incorporated (FMI) Ghana, Reverend Christian Danso, at the launch of their 25th anniversary, he described the trend of blaming women for infertility as “a cultural issue which is unfortunate.”
(The FMI is a Christian organization that focuses on spreading the Gospel of God and impacting lives through various outreach programmes and also focuses on marriage and family life relationships.)
He said it was disturbing that some husbands refused to seek medical attention when a couple was battling childlessness because, over the years, people had been made to believe that infertility issues affect only women.
“Will you believe that, so far, the number of couples I have noticed struggling with childlessness has been the fault of the men?” He said on occasions when he had recommended that couples who desired to be parents should seek medical attention, it had turned out that the men had mainly low sperm counts with other factors contributing to the childlessness of the couple.” He said.
“If two people must produce a child or children and it (the child) is not coming, you do not ascribe it to the doing of the woman (without even asking for a medical proof),” he expressed his opinion.
The Director for Fruitful Ministries Incorporated, Ghana, said it was about time religious leaders made it clearer to the congregation that since it took two people to make babies, the blame of the inability of a couple to have children should not be prematurely laid at the doorstep of the woman.
He said it was disturbing that some husbands were reluctant to visit the hospital during such times because culturally, it had been drummed into the ears of men that they could not suffer infertility “but science has proven otherwise” he emphasized.
Reverend Danso urged more pastors to preach to meet both the physical and spiritual needs of their congregation and said the issue of infertility and stigmatization was one of such which needed to be well handled and given prominence in the church.
He said by understanding the medical and emotional aspects of infertility, pastors could provide more accurate and empathic counsel, avoiding unintentionally hurtful or misleading statements while building their faith towards some persons in the Bible who had the same challenges.
He said there are times when experts should be consulted to have the right information about possible causes and solutions to childlessness while encouraging them to trust in God, who is the giver of children.
The Director for Fruitful Ministries Incorporated was of the conviction that when this was done, it would help pastors address the concerns of their congregations in a more accurate, informed, and relevant manner, which has the potential to enhance credibility on their presentations on the topic.
He observed that, all some couples needed were words of affirmation to take the bold steps of seeking the necessary medical attention to become parents, since not all challenges may be spiritual with some needing just lifestyle changes.
“And when you have done all you have to, you could now confidently wait on God to make all things beautiful in its time,” he assured.
Meanwhile, according to Specialist Obstetrician Gynecologist with the Women’s Health Obstetrics and Gynecology, Dr. Karen Renee Zu, it was not right for anyone to say infertility is a problem associated with only women.
“A man could equally be the cause of childlessness of a couple, and that is why women must always ensure that their partners also get tested when they are unable to conceive,” she stated.
She explained that male infertility factors may include but are not limited to low sperm count or fewer sperm available for fertilization and other sperm problems, such as issues with sperm quality, and motility (which is the difficulty of sperm in moving), and these factors could contribute to infertility, making it difficult for the couple to conceive.
The Specialist Obstetrician Gynecologist said over the years of her practice, she had come across many couples whose challenge to have a child was from the man and not the woman’s fault, as they had earlier believed to be so.
“It’s essential for men to seek medical evaluation and guidance if they are experiencing fertility issues,” she advised.
The Silent Struggle of Infertility
The subject of infertility from time immemorial has been a silent struggle for people all over the world, regardless of one’s race, religion, or demography, among others. Until a person has been a victim of this issue, one could only imagine the emotional, psychological, and financial toll of unsuccessful attempts to conceive on such couples.
To say that it can be overwhelming could be said to be an understatement, as the development leaves individuals and couples feeling isolated, ashamed, and uncertain about their future.
Although the church is supposed to be one of the arguably reliable places for such couples to seek solace, it appears that, unfortunately, some churches due to lack of knowledge about the subject of infertility have over time been the place where stigma and stereotypes against women has subtly been perpetuated.
It is worth noting as a society that the journey of infertility is not only complex but also emotional, which therefore requires a diverse approach that addresses physical, spiritual, and emotional aspects.
It is therefore important for everyone to get involved in promoting a culture of shared responsibility, and sensitivity so that collectively, we can work towards creating a more supportive environment devoid of stigmatization for both individuals and couples struggling with infertility.
